After a Traumatic Birth. 💔 The Issue is Systemic. You are NOT the Issue.❤️

Traumatic Birth support Anne Matei doula

Giving birth is meant to be one of the most transformative moments in life. But for too many parents in Germany, it becomes a painful , traumatic memory. When birth feels overwhelming, unsafe, or out of control, it can leave lasting scars. You are not alone: one out of three women describe their birth as traumatic.

This is a widespread issue that deserves attention.

You are not the issue. You did not do anything wrong. Your feelings are valid, and healing is possible...

What Is a Traumatic Birth?

Trauma is not only about what happened, but also about how it felt in the moment. Even if a baby is “healthy,” the birth experience can still leave lasting wounds.

A birth can feel traumatic for many reasons:

• Feeling ignored, dismissed, or pressured into interventions

• Experiencing physical complications, emergency measures

• Lack of emotional support during labor

• Feeling unheard, uninformed or violated

• Loss of control, fear for your life or your baby’s life

• Suffering, fear, poor health outcomes for the mother/baby, loss...

The definition of traumatic birth is large and personal. You may have an objectively "easy birth"(e.g. healthy baby fast labour...) and live it in your body and mind as traumatic, for multiple reasons. On the other hand, you may have a more difficult labour and birth and live it positively. This is so personal. You live in your truth, your trauma does not compare to the one of an other woman.

Why Some Births Feel Traumatic

Germany has a strong medical system, but it is also one that sometimes "has to" prioritize efficiency and protocols over individualized care. Some hospitals are understaffed, with midwives juggling several birthing people at once. Interventions can be suggested, or imposed, without proper explanation or consent. This leaves some parents feeling powerless or silenced.

The Impact of a Traumatic Birth

A difficult or traumatic birth can affect both body and soul. Some parents experience:

• Anxiety, panic, or nightmares

• Difficulty bonding with their baby

• Feelings of guilt or failure

• Physical pain and long recovery

• Fear of future pregnancies or medical settings

Healing is not linear. It can take weeks, months, or even years with its ups and downs.

First steps for healing

• Acknowledge your feelings — whatever you feel is valid.

• Seek support — talk with a loved one who is a good listener. Envisage seeking help from a psychologist, therapist, doctor, or doula. Gentle therapies like osteopathy, Cranio-Sacral Therapy, or EMDR can help release stored trauma.

• Debrief your birth — write it down, ask whoever was present with you to write down their memories too, journal. You can also request a Geburtsnachbesprechung (birth debriefing) with the providers at your birth setting.

• Request your file (Geburtsakte) — you have the right to access all records (partogram, interventions, staff notes).

• Care for your body — rest, eat well, move gently. Even if it is difficult, one baby step at a time.

• Bond at your pace — skin-to-skin or quiet time with your baby. Don't worry if you do not "love" your baby, this can take time.

• Watch for signs of PTSD of postpartum depression — nightmares, flashbacks, avoidance. If symptoms persist, seek professional help.

If you Believe There was Mistreatment or Obstetric Violence

These processes can take time and emotional energy. It often helps to first get clarity (asking for your file and a debriefing with the team); and also, to get emotional support before/during legal steps.

Patients who feel that they have received poor or incorrect treatment or believe that their doctor has broken the rules have the right to lodge a complaint ("Beschwerde über ärztliche Behandlung")

Even if the event occurred a few months/years ago, you can still take these steps. It is never too late to heal. But if you wish to make a claim, you shouldn’t wait too long to complain. For example, there is a three-year time limit for making medical malpractice claims.

1. Collect information

   • Request your medical file: you can contact directly the providers where you gave birth, it is your right to access this file. Ask for your "Patientenakte" (all the informations about the birth such as electrocardiogramm of the baby, interventions you had minute by minute (e.g. medication, in which dosage etc) / or just "Geburtsbericht" (summary of the birth and its outcomes)

   • Write down your memories while they are fresh, names, dates, and what was said/done. Ask anyone who was a witness (e.g. your birth companion) to write their memories too.

   
   

2. Ask for a Geburtsnachbesprechung ("birth debrief")

Meet with the hospital team to clarify what happened during this in person meeting. This is an important step to clarify any misunderstanding and ask your questions before escalating the issue. Sometimes a proper, calm, discussion when things settled is a key to a peaceful resolution.

• If the issue is not resolved by having a conversation, there are various options open to patients to act. On the one hand, there are various institutions giving advice on the legal options and advising in individual cases. On the other, patients can contact an official complaints office with their concern and receive support from them in a complaints procedure. This applies to both those with statutory and private insurance.

  
  

• Seek independent support

  • Patientenfürsprecher / Ombudsstelle are netural objective people who work at the hospital and can support you and act as counsellor for you (they are like patient's advocates)

  • Unabhängige Patientenberatung Deutschland (UPD) is an organisation that offers free, neutral advice to patients who suspect a medical mistake/mishandling.

  • Organizations like Mother Hood e.V. support victims of obstetric violence.

  • Step by step on filing a complaint here

  
  

• Consider legal steps

  • A lawyer specialized in Medizinrecht.

  • Your Krankenkasse (health insurance) may advise (TK has a special service called "Behandlungsfehler" if you suspect a mistreatment)

  • Independent expert commissions (Gutachterkommission, Schlichtungsstelle) can review cases.

  
  

• Get Emotional support

  • Trauma-informed therapy or support groups can be healing even without legal action. Useful gorups:

    • Familienzelt offers support in english

    • Traumatic Birth Group offers drop-in sessions for parents who experienced traumatic births.

    • As a doula, I offer a safe space after traumatic births, to be heard, to care for your body and mind.

      
      

Birth Safety Card - Prevention Through Information!

Your bilingual card to print and keep in your Mutterpass. A quick reminder of your rights and key questions to ask providers during birth.

Safety Card Anne Matei

More infos for Berlin mums