Why Birth Needs Privacy (Just Like Sex)
- Anne Matei
- Dec 7
- 3 min read
Updated: 14 hours ago
When I support families in Berlin, I often remind them of something simple but essential: Birth is not a performance, it’s a hormonal process.
And just like sex, it works best when you feel safe, unobserved, warm, and undisturbed.
I absolutely love this video created by the Rome Action Group.They draw a meaningful and truly humorous parallel between:
👉 trying to reach orgasm👉 and trying to labor naturally in a busy hospital environment
The comparison is brilliant because it shows, in a very simple way, how almost impossible it is for the body to open, relax, and follow its hormonal rhythm when:
lights are bright,
people keep walking in and out,
conversations don't stop, you are asked questions
and you feel observed or interrupted
The video makes the point better than any long explanation: if the environment would kill the mood during sex, it will almost certainly disrupt the hormones of birth.
Some people find that hospitals make it harder to stay in that calm, private hormonal space. That’s why some families choose a birth center (Geburtshaus) or even a home birth.
But ultimately, the most important thing — no matter where you give birth — is choosing a setting where you feel safe, supported, and grounded in your decision.
Maximise Oxytocin: The Hormone That Makes Birth Happen
Oxytocin is the hormone of love, pleasure, feeling high when you are doing sport... and strong, effective contractions .Its very name comes from the Greek oxys (swift) and tokos (birth):👉 oxytocin literally means “fast birth.”
The famous French obstetrician Michel Odent calls it : the hormone of love, and has done much research to evidence the role of this hormone during birth.
Oxytocin thrives in the same conditions as intimacy:
dim lights
soft voices
warmth
skin-to-skin contact
emotional safety
privacy
movement
You wouldn’t relax into orgasm under bright lights with people talking, watching, or asking questions — and your body won’t open for birth under those conditions either.
Birth requires the same quiet, protected atmosphere.
Minimize, the “show-stopping" hormones: Cortisol and Adrenaline
Stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline rise when you feel:
observed or judged
anxious or rushed, pressured, unsafe
cold, hungry, or uncomfortable
interrupted by exams, bright lights, or too much conversation
These hormones can slow or stop labor, because your body automatically shifts toward protection instead of opening.
Birth is profoundly sensitive to environment.Your nervous system is always listening.
Why it's hard to poop at guest's place: Sphincter Law in Action
Midwif and author Ina May Gaskin explains that sphincters (like the cervix and anus... ) open best when the person feels:
private
warm
unobserved
emotionally safe
free to move and make sounds
Mmmm bluntly said, this is why it's so hard to poop when you are not in your own home haha ;)
Disturb that atmosphere, and the body protects itself — things tighten. Support that atmosphere, and the body opens.
🌙 Find the Birth Zone: Your Inner Frequency
Your goal in labor is to drop into your birth zone — that deep, instinctive place where:
your breath slows
your jaw softens
your movements become rhythmic
you stop thinking and start feeling
you tune into your baby
It’s the same zone we access during sex, orgasm, meditation, or sleep.To get there, you need safety, quiet, rhythm, and privacy.
🤍 Partners: Offer a Qualitative Presence
The most supportive thing a partner can offer is not techniques.
It’s presence:
being calm and grounded
staying close and quiet
reducing conversation
meeting the birthing person’s energy instead of directing it
protecting the bubble!!
This is exactly what I explain in my Dad’s / Partner’s Guide
As a doula, I can can help you protect your bubble in labor by creating a safe, calm, and private environment. Doulas can act as a buffer between you and interruptions, supporting advocating for your preferences, guiding the staff gently, keeping the lights dim, and teaming up with you partner to be calm by your side.
✨ Final Thought: Protect your Bubble!
Birth works the way nature designed it: with oxytocin, rhythm, privacy, and love. When the environment feels safe and undisturbed, the body opens. When it feels watched, pressured, or interrupted, it protects itself.
Protect the bubble, your body will take care of the rest.
Anne Matei is a birth and postpartum doula based in Berlin, supporting French-, English-, and German-speaking families. She accompanies births in hospitals, birth centers, and home births alongside midwives. Read what families say about working with her in client testimonials. Feel free to get in touch to schedule a non-binding introductory call.
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