What Every Dad & Birth Partner Should Know During Labour. A Doula's Guide to Supporting Your Partner at Birth
- Anne Matei
- Sep 1
- 3 min read
Becoming a dad or being there as a birth partner is exciting, but it can also feel overwhelming. Many partners wonder: “What do I actually do when she’s in labour?”
The answer: you don’t need a fan, a water spray, or medical knowledge.
What matters most is your calm presence.
Understand That Labour Can Look Intense
Labour is powerful and unpredictable. She may:
Yell or cry
Shake or tremble
Feel despair, then joy moments later
Even say that she is never going to manage and even "die"! (this is typical of transition phase!)
👉 This is all normal. Nothing is “wrong.” Your role is to stay calm and steady while she goes through the process, and respect these changes.
Your Presence Is the Most Important Support
You don’t need to “fix” labour. Simply being present, grounded, and loving can change the whole experience.
Stay close
Hold her hand
Listen without judgment
👉 Think of yourself as her anchor, not her coach.
Learn the Basics of Labour
Take time to understand the stages of labour so you know what’s happening.
Early labour
Active labour
Transition
Pushing phase
Birth of the baby
Birth of the placenta
Golden Hour
👉 What not to say: “This will be quick” or “It won’t hurt.”👉 If you don’t know the answer, just say: “I’m not sure, but I’m here with you.” ,“What does your gut feeling tell you?”, “Let me ask, let me look it up”
Protect Your Partner's Birth Bubble
Women in labour need privacy and focus. You can help by:
Lowering bright lights
Reducing interruptions
Handling communication with staff if needed
Create a nice cozy atmosphere in the hospital ward (as much as possible: lights, music etc.
Support her staying at home for as long as she feels is right, without rushing her
👉 Protecting her bubble helps her body do its work. This is also very important right after the birth, when she is bonding with baby during the first hours after birth and doing the first feed during the "Golden Hour"
Offer Simple Comfort Measures
Comfort doesn’t have to be complicated. You can:
Suggest a warm shower
Massage her back or shoulders
Remind her to breathe deeply
Move with her: walk, sway, or dance
Remind her to change positions, breathe, stretch
Guide her with meditation, positive visualisations (how the baby will look like, a place she loves where she feels safe etc).
👉 Look at her signals, if she seems fine and found something that works, just let her be. If she is lost, you can suggest something.
Use Positive and Encouraging Words
Words are powerful in labour. Use phrases like:
“You’re doing amazing.”
“I’m proud of you.”
“You are strong.”
“I trust you.”
👉 Avoid “It’s almost over” or “Don’t worry”
Respect Her Changing Needs
She may want closeness one moment and space the next.
👉 Don’t take it personally. Changing preferences are normal during labour.
Be Her Advocate
You can support her voice by:
Repeating her questions to staff
Asking for clarification on interventions
Using the BRAIN acronym: Benefits, Risks, Alternatives, Intuition, Nothing
If she says No, be clear that it's a NO!
Write the birth plan together, be familiar with all of it, have it at reach, remind the staff of your preferences
👉 Advocacy helps her feel safe and respected. Have your Safety Card at reach to know your rights and basics of advocacy!
Little Attentions
Small actions make a big difference:
Offer sips of water
Provide light snacks
Keep her comfortable with blankets or pillows
Get some fresh air in the room
Ask her what she needs if you are not sure
Final Thoughts: Your Role Matters
Birth is unpredictable, but one thing is certain: your presence has power.
You don’t need special tools or perfect techniques, you dont need to know much about birth or have any medical knowledge.
You just need to be there: calm, grounded, and loving.
That is what she will remember forever.
Anne Matei
Your Berlin Doula for a Treasured Birth
Curious to know how a doula can support you and your partner for birth?
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